What I’ve Learned in My Life About Men - My own POV, of course!
Look for a man who has a good job, not one looking for a job.
Look for a man who knows who he is, not one who is searching for who he is…when he finds who he is, he’ll leave you since you were what he found, emotionally and financial, while he was searching.
Look for a man with similar interests, beliefs and passions.
If your expectations are low, men with low expectations will find you.
Don’t allow a man to move in with you, you will be his crutch and you don’t want someone who is broke(n). (Exception: He gave you a ring, you’ve set a date for the wedding, and you’ve booked the place – now move in together!)
Look for a man you can be proud of, who inspires you, respects you, not one who brings you down, is jealous of you and those friends around you.
Lies are like cockroaches, if you see one, there are many many more!
Man are like cockroaches, if you can’t catch one, there are many more!
These are man who are damaged goods: You don’t want them!
• If he emotionally and/or physically abuses you, it will only get worse and you can’t change him.
• A man who was/is in the military has been brainwashed to hold back emotion (but can fake it when necessary), brainwashed to hate, to be violent, use weapons and kill. If he feels he has to, he’ll use these skills against you. I’m sure there are exceptions. I hope so.
• A man (or person) who has a parent who is/was an alcoholic – if he is not one himself, he will be distant, not be able to commit, have mood swings, be jealous and be violent when least expected – responses he knows best from observation of that parent – (look for curved-over nails in people whose parents were alcoholics). Not his fault but what it is! Of course with a lot of work and 12 steps groups, etc. he may turn out to be a wonderful man but you probably had to go through the discovery with him – a real waste of time! Unless you were in the same boat and then the mutual discovery and understanding will be worth it - if it sticks.
• A man who hates or dislikes his mother or has unresolved resentment issues with parents will eventually take his anger out on you.
• A man who drinks in an out of control manner or takes drugs needs professional intervention, not you. These habits are means of self-medication and he will love them more than you.
Just because a man loves you, doesn’t mean he is right for you.
A man (or any person with tattoos) is trying to find himself by drawing images and words outside of his body to define himself, instead of looking inside of himself for answers to whom his is. (flashy cars, bling, piercing, etc., especially those that one cannot afford, attempts to achieve the same thing) Tattoos are a form of self-mutilation, therefore, self-medication. Of course, if and when he finds himself through heart and mind and spirit - without coloring onto themselves to create a personal image – he may turn out to be a wonderful man but those outer scars will still exist, and you probably had to go through the discovery with him – a real waste of time in your life. If you both were coloring to fill in the blanks, then hope that you both find who each of you are at the same time!
A man with a good job, money, who has a neat, clean, so-called upright appearance can still be damaged goods!
Listen to some of the first things a man tells you when you meet him. He will tell you what is most troubling him and what is most unresolved in him.
Gifts from a man are important as well as special days remembered and celebrated, but so are the gift of manners, honestly, listening, and forgiveness.
Anything I left out?
PS: With a lot of self-work that turned into self-worth (after the dysfunctional hand I was dealt as a child, and the bad choices I made) I finally figured this stuff out and am now happily married to the amazing man I deserved my whole life. I just didn’t know what I deserved - way back when…
