Journey into hair's last taboo: growing out one's locks into the world of white. Follow this radical change by a fifty-something writer as she moves towards the image of her authentic self.
Photo 1 is from 2001, photo 1 is from 2010!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Taking it off! In Public!
My husband and I decided to have a dinner party for a few friends. The question was: To wear a wig or not in order to cover the skunk line. (I found a way not to have the skunk streak - but more on that later.) I decided to wear the curly, highlighted, lowlighted, long one and all at the party guests raved about how good it looked. But, by the end of the night, and after a few extra unflitered Saki, the women were asking me to take it off! So, with a bit of encouragement, I whipped it off (after the removal of a few strategic pins) and showed them the white growth so far. They found it shocking but exciting, but were more interested in puttting on the wig on themselves! One began an impromptu Tina Turner routine, the other started posing like Marilyn! We snapped photos, laughed, and their encouragement they gave me to keep on keeping on with my quest was wonderful.
My next big public move was to venture into the gym, without any head covering. In a place were image is everything, I told myself that since a wig would not do in the midst of sweat, and head bobbing in aerobics class, and a hat or scarf would get in the way, I decided it was time to bare all. But how to do it with the utmost confidence? I chose to brush and pull it straight back into a high ponytail. Like a ballerina, like a 1950's rock n roller chick, with an in- your-face version of I'm growing my hair out but I can still keep pace on the treadmill and lift those weights attitude, I entered. (My husband and I had gotten free passes for a week at our local NY Sports Club and thought I'd give it a try.) Yes, I got a few looks as I entered. Yes, looking at myself in the mirror in Zumba class made me feel like it was not quite me in front of me, but I held my head high and the more I did so, the more confident I became. The truth is, with my hair pulled back, it is quite elegant even though it is not all grown out. And the skunk streak is gone that way. With it this way, one sees a blending of sparkling white long hair gradually cascading into red. Yuk, you might say, but remember that Hair's Last Taboo is just this. Not pink, or shaved, or multicolored hair, or carved, but white hair. So, your reaction is understandable. Still, the more I do this, the more I realize that this is probably the most radical thing I've done in terms of appearance. At least I can say, no one has hair quite like me! The transition continues.
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Thursday, January 24, 2008
As the White Line Widens!
I now realize that I have crossed into the last taboo. You can color your hair green, blue, orange, tint all of it or parts of it, buzz it, leave the center long and clip the sides, you can evenly shave it all off, but don't try to grow out the grey! No one likes to go to a funeral and look at a dead person, and no one likes to look at a head that is showing its true colors! It reminds us too much of the end of life's journey when it comes to a head and where we are all headed! As a singer, I wear wigs not to shock and dismay the audience or distract them from my voice and performance. As a part time, substitute teacher, for the first time, I wore a wig to school! When the phone rang before the sun came up that morning, I had to decide how I would present myself in the classroom. I teach only in ele. schools so the kids are much less interested or aware of grooming and fashion, so I figured I could pull it off. Not my wig, of course, but the idea of appearing with a new kind of hair every time I go to the school. I am not that often at the same school, with the exception of one private school, where all the kids know me well. (This time was not at that school but I will be there next week!) I donned, this time, a black straight wig with bangs. (I have a long silver/blonde curly wig much like my own hair's texture and a aurburn red bob with bangs, too.). The day at school went well. The secretary at the desk looked at me with a vague expression as if she was thinking I know this person but maybe I don't. I have decided to warn the teachers about my wigs at that private school by e mail. This is a long trek but I feel confident I will get there.
The other night, after donning a hat, my husband and I went to a bar-b-que joint. A woman came in, in her early 60's and in exellent physicall condition with white, shoulder length, straight hair with bangs. I could not stop looking at her, admiring her, wanting what she had. She was beautiful. I had to go over to her and tell her so, and tell her of my jounrey. She was supportive and encouraging and that made me smile.
We all have choices and this one is mine. I have always walked to a different drummer, as one of my freinds said when she heard of my idea to grow my hair out. This is true and I am proud of hardly ever following the crowd. More and more women are saying, this is me and I can still be vibrant, sexy, strong, full of fun and life with white hair. Even more so since they are not using so much energy trying to fight the clock. Don't fight it, I say to myself, run along side of it with all that you've got. We are all going in one direction no matter how you slice it (no pun intended in regard to plastic surgery). Of course, do your own thing as I am doing mine. This is not for everyone, I know. Be the best you can be, no matter what hair color you choose. Just don't faint the next time you see my white stripe getting wider and wider!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Skunk or Monk?
OK. I've made the commitment. Choosing hats, wondering what I'll wear in spring and summer. Next step is to find someone to strip the hair and go platinum or not, and just ride out the white wave. Called my colorist. Cancelled my appointment. Felt bad for her. What about me? Made an appointment at a different salon for a haircut today. The more I cut off the better but no way do I go to a pixey cut. That is worse than a skunk streak. I think. I'm pulling out my wigs from shows. Asian style, shoulder length, bangs. Auburn, shorter, bob from the 20's. All look real. Still feel wierd. My big concern is when I teach kids part time in the arts. I guess I'll wear a simple hat and tell them I have a scalp disease. Better not. Or a tee shirt that says, "I'm sparing you my roots!" No way can I wear a wig at school. The work is too labor intensive and there is always the possibility of a kid suspecting and pulling it off! Why am I putting myself thorugh this? So I don't have to put myself through color every month and not see/be who I am in the mirror. Who knows, I may not want to after my hair goes all natural. Wait and see with me...
Simone, for now...
Friday, January 11, 2008
Simone Speaks for the first time - on her blog!
You may or may not know me. On my blog, I've returned to a pseudonym I used way back when when I first began my career as a writer. I guess I could not accept myself fully as such, so I created this pen name. My first work (of poetry) was published under this name but soon the real me rose to the surface in non-fiction, fiction, creative nonfiction, essay, poetry, performance art and playwrighting. So, once again, I head back to the secure cloak of Simone and shall emerge to the real me (with my real name) as soon as my hair does. My initial venture into blogging is my transitition towards the visual, authentic me. Come with me as I grow out my long, wavy red tresses and become the white-haired women I am.
My daughter thinks I'm crazy to do this. "You have no wrinkles, you don't look old, why don't you wait till your face matches that of a old woman?" she asks, trying to find a compromise for the future, not wanting to see her Mom as is at point in time.
As for my husband of less than a year, he'd rather I stay red, but with his full head of salt and pepper hair, there is not much he can say. Except, "I think I can get used to it," was his comment when I wore a long, wavy, silver and platinum blonde wig for the first time at our Jazz gig last night. More on that later. (I'm also a Jazz singer, can you guess who I am yet?)
I did not spring this on him during our honeymoon. I told him soon after I met him that I had plans to go white one day. In fact, when he met me, he knew I was not a true redhead. We met in a show we both were in (I had met him before at a party at his house a year before as a guest of a drummer friend of his who happened to be my nieghbor and a lesbian, so me walking in the door with her led to zero interest in me on his part. As for me, I wasn't looking for love at that time, just out of a bad relationship with a guy who turned out to be gay, but that is another story for another day). My future husband told me that when I walked down the steps of the studio after rehearsal, he followed me out to invite me to a party after hearing me sing and being "blown away" {his words} by my voice, but noticed that revealing white skunk streak {my words} down my head and said to himself, "Hmmm, how old is she anyway?" But he still asked me to the party and that story is also for another day. What a guy? Right? He's a feminist and a radical at heart; it showed then, and shows now.
Well enough about what those people I love most think of my latest, bold move. Now for my thoughts about it. I have never done anything drastic with my hair. Yes, I went from brown to red after the greys started showing, and it was always naturally wild and curly although age is talking the curls and turning them into waves, but this is different. This is a drastic change in a world where white hair means over the hill. I see it as reaching a summit and standing tall and saying, this is me. I'm still funny, sexy, smart, and a Leo (if you haven't figured that out already). I'll save money, time and myself from being a slave to trying to hold onto another time and place. I'm not the first to do this. I've read all the recent articles and books on this. And if I hate it, I can turn back to the red, I guess. But, this is more than hair color for me. It is about seeing me from the outside, now that you are truly seccure and happy and strong about who I am on the inside. Of course, this path is not for everyone. But if I can share my step by step moves to white, then maybe there are others out there who want to travel this journey but would first like to see the steps as they happen. Trust me, I'm nervous about this atfer all I've said to you. And there will be times when I'll want to go back to the bottle. The hair dye bottle, that is! But follow me now into what lies ahead as I navitage what to do about the roots, whether to strip out the color and go platinum first, wear wigs, cut it all off (no chance, remember, I'm a Leo) and how to just get to my desination on a road I've never traveled. Eventually, you will not just learn my real name but also see photos of the before, after and even the in between!
I hope to be here everyday with my musings on this and other things as they pop up. Thanks for reading!
I am just beginning this journey. A couple inches of grow-out. Big stripe. Some days it seems do-able, and some days it seems like consummate betrayal or dishonor to the feminine me. Like next I might stop shaving my legs or taking care to dress nicely... Conflicted.
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